I'm in a nostaglic mood right now.
Christmas is coming, and that makes me happy. I was looking through the frosted glass of my front door, and out at the black night, and the blinking Christmas lights... it's when I get this longing deep within me for something I can't recall.
I remember just a few years ago when I used to have crushes on book characters, video game characters, anime characters, and tv/movie characters. I didn't have much else.
There was Peter from Guiding the Lighthouse, or something like that. He actually dies in the second or third chapter of the book, and I just remember not being able to sleep, tossing and turning about the death of a fictional character.
Don't even get me started on Sirius Black from the Harry Potter series. I cried at the end of Book 5. In literal tears, sobbing, the whole water works.
Then there was Elazul from Legend of Mana. I could almost swear that he was in love with the main character - me. Disregarding the fact that he followed Pearl wherever she went. I took that to be a more brotherly love than anything.
And the Final Fantasy boys. How much I crushed on Cloud and Squall! This is sounding pretty desperate and pathetic, but when there's no one else...
Above all, I probably had the largest crush on Rowan from Ronin Warriors. Back when I used to be into anime, in the eighth grade. I would plop myself down in front of the tv, plug into Cartoon Network's Toonami, and stare, entranced at his liquid blue eyes and gorgeous hair. Why shouldn't I have liked him? He was the most intelligent, the most powerful, the most levelheaded out of the Warriors. Ryo was the lead, but what did that matter? Plus the adding dubbed bonus of a Brooklyn accent. I was hooked. I couldn't miss an episode EVER.
Later, when freshman year hit, I had a crush on Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh. And did I mention that Dark Magician? Kaiba was so bad-ass, yet so intelligent. Intelligence always attracted me.
Don't all girls fall in love with fictional characters? They can't hurt you, they can't bring you down, they won't talk back. They'll just show adoration right back at you. Even though they can't touch you. They can't reach out and hold your hand, kiss your lips. They can't hold a conversation with you, no matter how hard you try.
They don't even know you exist.
Yet it's a more secure liking. A safer liking, and one that every girl covets.
I have a boyfriend that I love dearly, that I would give my life to in an instant. That I will share the rest of my life with, that I will grow old with, that I will endure eternity with.
I love him, he loves me. And I have a picture of Rock from Metropolis as my wallpaper.
Old habits never die.
