I've become commercialized too.
It's Easter Sunday, or rather, almost tomorrow.
And did I once think about the event devoted to this day, the rising of Jesus from the grave, the resurrection? Not really.
Religion confuses me. I'm not about to devote my entire life to something not tangible, not seen. Am I an atheist? Nope. But I do doubt sometimes.
And when I doubt, I get this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. And even though I pretend not to hear it, a tiny voice in my mind pesters me. What if there is no God, Christine? What if all this religion stuff is just made up to ease your mind, to wrap you into false happiness? What if when you die, that's it, you're dead?
I'd like to think that it's true. That we all do go to an afterlife, whether it be a paradise or our worst nightmare. That there is something to look forward to, that there is a reason we try and do good in the world. Some might say, well, screw that, there's nothing after this world, and lead a dark and cynical life trapped inside their own head.
But why do that? And even if there is nothing after this life, why not make the best of it? To quote Good Charlotte: "Make the best of what you're given, this ain't dyin', this is livin'." That's my philosophy. Life is too short to waste on stupid things.
Back to the whole religion thing. I don't think it's a matter of the Catholic religion itself to be corrupt. It's the church itself. I hate the Church. Despise it. Who knows if your pastor is to be the next child molestor? And history does tell of all the immoral and corrupt decisions the Church made against innocent people. The Inquisition, for crying out loud. Be informed, people. It's sick to look at this world through rose-colored glasses, because one day it'll just kick those glasses off your face and leave you staring at your shattered dreams, your futile fairytales.
I confuse myself. I coined a new term for myself because I notice that I am a walking contradiction. One day, all optimistic, living off sunshine and rainbows. The next, the worst pessimist, seeing that half-empty glass and making a sarcastic remark about it. New term: "optipessimist." A combination of both. I've noticed that I sit on the fence for most issues, never really devoting myself to either side of a debate (unless it's something I'm really passionate about (which is another story (and I happen to be passionate about quite a number of things))). Am I afraid of confrontation on the whole? I'm a realist one minute, the next, an idealist.
How have I become such a paradox?
