I came home today, threw my schoolbag on the floor, and collapsed into a chair.
Then I took my sister's leftover chocolate Starbucks gelato and ate the entire thing. I kept on shoveling it into my mouth, eating it rapidly. It made my mouth and throat go numb, my mind go numb, my insides go numb. I barely tasted it. And unthinking, I didn't stop until I was finished and staring at the empty cup.
I needed that today. To make everything inside of me, all the thoughts that are constantly whirring around inside of my head, just stop for a second. I wish I could stop all thought-processes in my mind. I wish I could make the emotions stop, the hurt stop, the condensed feelings that reside within my heart. That little escape was something I so terribly needed.
Then I closed my eyes, dry from crying last night, and just sat. I must've sat like that for five minutes in my room before I heard commotion downstairs and my little sister complaining that I had eaten the rest of her ice cream.
I generally think of myself as a happy person. I'm always willing to share a joke, enjoy the people around me, breathe in life until I'm filled with awe at what's around me. The last two weeks, however, have just been...different. I've been disinterested in everything, depressed, anxious, and nervous. It's this negative bundle of energy building every day inside of me, and I don't know how to let it loose.
I really need Easter Vacation.
