I realized when I was reading back on my diary that I seem very down and out, dark, depressed, etc.
I turn to this D-Land when I'm upset, angered, or just plain annoyed at the world, hence the abundance of dark entries.
But this weekend actually wasn't bad. Saturday, Joe came over to celebrate the ten month anniversary. We've been seeing each other since May 10, 2003, and it has been one of the most fulfilling relationships ever. Not that I have any to compare it to. Not that I ever want any to compare it to.
Which brings me to another point, one that I am strong on, one that means a lot to me: I want to be a virgin until I am married. Sex to me isn't something to be rushed, isn't something to just be given like water. It's a gift, the greatest gift you can give a person. I want to know that I have given this gift to the one, true person that I love, the person I marry. It'll be more special, and equally more meaningful.
Joe doesn't pressure me into anything; I couldn't ask for more. He understands the way I feel, and is willing to stick with it until the end. He's my first boyfriend, the first boy that I've seriously held hands with, my first true kiss. To share all these things with one individual is really simply breathtaking.
I know, I talk about him a lot on here. But it's my first time at love, my first time with these experiences and these new emotions. I've learned that it's this deep understanding, an unfathomable connection between two people whose souls have brushed each other.
When you're in love, you finally understand all those cheesy love songs, tthe Hallmark cards that used to make you gag. The world is spinning and you're dizzy, but in the good way. You look forward to bitterly cold days so he can hold you closely, and whisper in your ear, "I love you."
I could go on for eons about it, for forever, and it still wouldn't be enough. So I leave D-Land for today, thinking happier thoughts than I have had in a while.
