God, I'm just so depressed right now.
Life is just too much money. It's as simple as that. Am I the only one that worries about these things, that sits up late at night paralyzed with fear and worry, near tears and close to hyperventilation? Probably.
I'm so happy, yet so unnerved, so worried and frightened at the same time. I wonder, how can things work out? How can this all come together?
Some nights, like tonight, I don't think it can. I don't think it will.
It makes my head hurt and my heart ache. Is there a future? Dreams are nothing more than that: dreams. Figments of the imagination and idealist fantasies that stick with you and give you a glimmer of hope that's night really there. Sugar coated.
My sugar's wearing thin. Reality is beginning to smack me in the face and I really don't like it at all. At all.
I mean, I've had my life planned out just so, for most of my life. I'd go to a good college, get married young, work until I had kids, then stay at home, love them, take care of them, and be a full-time mom to them. I guess it's slapping me in the face now that I can't do that anymore. And it hurts! I wish I hadn't made these dreams up in the first place, hadn't planned a single bit of my life. Because it never goes that way, and then there's just the hurt and the dagger wounds left in your heart.
The sad inevitable thing is that I'll get out of college, get married young, break my back my entire life working AND taking care of the kids, miserable, barely be able to keep a household running. I'll be barely supported by anything, and have to basically support myself. Because I guess that's the way things work. Supporting yourself. I don't know.
I just feel bitter now.
